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Aita For Refusing To Attend My Inlaws Christmas Dinner Reddit

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aita for refusing to attend my inlaws christmas dinner reddit

A Redditor shared a story about a tense situation during her first Christmas dinner with her fiancé’s family. She has specific dietary needs due to psychological factors and asked her future mother-in-law (FMIL) to make a simple accommodation for her. FMIL refused and told her to bring her own dish, but the Redditor felt this was disrespectful for a guest. After arriving at the dinner and finding no accommodations made, she decided to leave, which led to her fiancé lashing out at her for being selfish. Now, her fiancé and FMIL are upset, and she’s questioning if she was in the wrong. Invite people to read the original story below.

I got invited to my fiance’s family christmas celebratory dinner. It’s my first christmas with them. I have always been picky about what I eat. Can’t help it and it has to do with psychological factors, childhood, and personal likes and dislikes. Before accepting their invite I let FMIL know that I wouldn’t be eating the traditional food at their celebration, and showed her a variety of dishes to choose from to accommodate me. She refused and told me to bring my own dish.

I said if I had to bring my own dish when I’m a guest then I better stay at home then. We went back and forth and I insisted I wouldn’t come if accommodations weren’t being made. I just thought it was a simple request and FMIL could’ve agreed if she really wanted me there. My fiance agreed that I shhould bring my own dish but I didn’t. Me (23F) and my husband (25M) agreed to an arrangement when we got married that we would take it in turns to spend Christmas with our family’s i.e. one year with his family, the next with mine, then his again etc.

For context before I explain – his family are nice enough, but they are highly emotional and quite manipulative people (his mum and sister mainly) and can be quite overbearing (we have to go... One time we missed it because I didnt want to go (feeling lazy), he told his mum and she sent me a horrible text saying I’m unappreciative. Also for context, his mum has been sick (she had a small heart attack in September of last year – I am sympathetic but she’s been fine since then). Also for context, I am from a different country and am living with him in his home country, my family are all still in my home country. We got married two years ago, and the first year we spent Christmas with his family (his mum insisted that we go to theirs first). Last year we were supposed to both spend it with my family.

I knew they would cause problems, and as expected, at the beginning of December he went to see his family one day without me, and when he came back he said he couldn’t spend... He said that his mum is ill and there’s a chance she won’t be around next Christmas (this year). I was concerned obviously, but he said nothing has changed with her condition, the heart attack was just really scary and it’s possible. In the end, we both ended up staying with his family again at Christmas. I was really excited to go to see my family this year (we live in his home country so I rarely get to see my family and they were really excited but I got... Okay so, fast forward to this year.

His mum is fine and we’re talking about Christmas (because flights to go back to my home are getting more expensive). He asked me why I’m looking at flights, that it’s his family’s turn to have us at Christmas. I said no, we were there last year, but he’s saying that yes, we were, but it’s the third year, so technically it’s his family’s turn, because we were meant to go to my... I said that no, I only did that because I wanted to spend Christmas with him and because his family were guilting me, and that this year it was my family’s turn. We argued, and in the end I went ahead and booked a flight to my home for Christmas, and told him if he doesnt want to go then okay but I will be going... I’m 26(F) married happily to 30(M).

We bought a 4 bedroom, 3 bath house in 2023 close to Christmas and as a holiday gesture, my husband asked if we could host his entire family which includes -mum, dad, 2 sisters... They would stay 4/5 nights , spend Christmas and leave on Boxing Day. Relevant back story: None of them live in town and all live about 5-8 hours drive away from us in a remote town. In previous years, Christmas was hosted at his parents or grandma’s place with other extended family members(aunties and uncles). 2023 was the first time all the members of his family could be under one roof and celebrate. I was strongly opposed because I just didn’t want to host 10 people for 3 nights.

I’m a huge introvert and don’t even want to be around my own family /friends that much. I also didn’t want to set a precedent and have it become an expectation going forward. I grudgingly accepted as a one time thing and everyone seemed to have a blast. Adults had the rooms, kids slept on a pike in the den. I planned food menus, activities for all 3 days. Everyone pitched in and helped especially with the Christmas dinner and there were no major incidents.

However, I was still extremely relieved when they left. Fast forward to this year and we have been asked about our plans and if we can host this year but we both work Christmas Day. Although he’s told them ‘no’ for now, my husband is already insinuating to me he would like to host them for next year. I’m putting my foot down because I’m not setting a precedent to house and host every alternate year. My husband’s mother passed away, and his father remarried five years ago, changing the dynamics of what was once a warm family home into something unwelcoming. I’ve consistently felt like an outsider, evidenced by various acts of unequal treatment.

For instance, my father-in-law once scolded me for holding a wine bottle “incorrectly.” Christmas has been particularly revealing; I’ve received no gifts while watching my brothers-in-law be showered with thoughtful presents. Even when I was pregnant last year, I was overlooked. When our son was born, my in-laws visited the hospital with nothing for him or me, starkly contrasting with the generous gifts they brought when my sister-in-law had her baby. This year, for our son’s first Christmas at the family home, we’re allowed to stay for only one night, unlike my husband’s sisters who get to stay for the entire holiday. They cited a lack of space in their 6-bedroom home, and we’re expected to bring our own bed sheets for that one night. This means a 90-minute return drive with our baby after dinner, which is especially inconvenient as we have an early flight the next day.

I’ve decided I don’t want to go, citing both the practical challenges and my concern about our son witnessing this unequal treatment. My husband thinks I’m escalating the situation, but I feel we’re already being treated as lesser family members.

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