Aita For Refusing To Host My In Laws For Christmas Reddit

Crandi Man

-Oct 17, 2025, 4:22 AM

aita for refusing to host my in laws for christmas reddit

I’m 26(F) married happily to 30(M). We bought a 4 bedroom, 3 bath house in 2023 close to Christmas and as a holiday gesture, my husband asked if we could host his entire family which includes -mum, dad, 2 sisters... They would stay 4/5 nights , spend Christmas and leave on Boxing Day. Relevant back story: None of them live in town and all live about 5-8 hours drive away from us in a remote town. In previous years, Christmas was hosted at his parents or grandma’s place with other extended family members(aunties and uncles). 2023 was the first time all the members of his family could be under one roof and celebrate.

I was strongly opposed because I just didn’t want to host 10 people for 3 nights. I’m a huge introvert and don’t even want to be around my own family /friends that much. I also didn’t want to set a precedent and have it become an expectation going forward. I grudgingly accepted as a one time thing and everyone seemed to have a blast. Adults had the rooms, kids slept on a pike in the den. I planned food menus, activities for all 3 days.

Everyone pitched in and helped especially with the Christmas dinner and there were no major incidents. However, I was still extremely relieved when they left. Fast forward to this year and we have been asked about our plans and if we can host this year but we both work Christmas Day. Although he’s told them ‘no’ for now, my husband is already insinuating to me he would like to host them for next year. I’m putting my foot down because I’m not setting a precedent to house and host every alternate year. “He is calling me selfish and inconsiderate of his parents’ feelings.”

The holidays are great, but one thing that is never, ever fun are the logistics. Who’s baking what? Who hasn’t RSVPed? Are we getting the adults presents this year or are we just buying for the kids? And, of course, who’s hosting? This last one can get particularly contentious, especially when in-laws are involved, and that’s just the problem Redditor u/confettii123 faced when she took to the popular “Am I The Assh*le” (AITA) board on Reddit...

“Confetti” notes that, off the bat, she and her husband have different expectations of what Christmas morning looks like based on their own childhoods. Confetti is an only child and celebrated with her mom and dad before heading to her grandparents’ house nearby. Her husband is one of three kids and grew up with visiting family all gathered around the tree in the morning. “Before having kids, we’d stay with them for a week or long weekend over Christmas,” she explains, but now that she has two toddlers, she wants to keep the morning “sacred and intimate amongst... In this situation, the couple faces a dilemma over hosting Christmas dinner for the husband’s extended family, who traditionally enjoy a seafood feast during the holidays. The wife, who is vegan along with her husband, has consistently declined hosting duties in the past due to her discomfort with preparing meat dishes.

However, this year, the husband agreed to host without consulting her fully, assuming she would be willing to accommodate the seafood tradition. When the wife learned of the plans, she expressed her refusal to cook seafood, which led to backlash from her in-laws who had already made travel arrangements assuming they would be hosted. This resulted in accusations that she was ruining Christmas and threats to exclude the couple from the celebration. The wife’s stance arises from her ethical beliefs as a vegan, which she feels strongly about and has consistently upheld in her own home. She feels unfairly pressured to compromise her principles, especially considering her discomfort with handling seafood. Her husband, while supporting her in theory, failed to communicate effectively with his family about the hosting plans, leading to a misunderstanding that now threatens family relationships.

From an impartial perspective, while the wife’s refusal to host a non-vegan meal aligns with her values, the lack of clear communication between the couple and his family has exacerbated tensions. The husband’s assumption that she would acquiesce to cooking seafood without prior agreement reflects a misunderstanding of her boundaries. However, the in-laws’ reaction to her decision, including threats of disinvitation, appears disproportionate given the circumstances. In conclusion, while both parties could have handled the situation better through clear communication and mutual understanding, the wife’s decision to uphold her vegan lifestyle at home does not inherently make her the antagonist. The conflict underscores the importance of respecting each other’s values within family dynamics, especially during holiday gatherings where traditions and expectations may clash. A 26-year-old woman hosted her husband’s family (10 people in total) for Christmas last year after buying a new home.

Despite everyone enjoying the visit, she found the experience exhausting and doesn’t want to make hosting a recurring tradition. Her husband feels hosting family is central to Christmas and is already discussing plans to host again next year. While she suggested alternatives like having guests stay at a hotel or hosting less frequently, her husband insists they have the space and should embrace the tradition. She wonders if she’s wrong for refusing. read the original story below… I’m 26(F) married happily to 30(M).

We bought a 4bd, 3 bath house in 2023 close to Christmas and as a holiday gesture, my husband asked if we could host his entire family which includes -mum, dad, 2 sisters and... They would stay 4/5 nights , spend Christmas and leave on Boxing Day. Relevant back story: None of them live in town and all live about 5-8 hours drive away from us in a remote town. In previous years, Christmas was hosted at his parents or grandma’s place with other extended family members(aunties and uncles). 2023 was the first time all the members of his family could be under one roof and celebrate.. I was strongly opposed because

Me (23F) and my husband (25M) agreed to an arrangement when we got married that we would take it in turns to spend Christmas with our family's i.e. one year with his family, the next with mine, then his again etc. For context before I explain - his family are nice enough, but they are highly emotional and quite manipulative people (his mum and sister mainly) and can be quite overbearing (we have to go... One time we missed it because I didnt want to go (feeling lazy), he told his mum and she sent me a horrible text saying I'm unappreciative. Also for context, his mum has been sick (she had a small heart attack in September of last year - I am sympathetic but she's been fine since then). Also for context, I am from a different country and am living with him in his home country, my family are all still in my home country.

We got married two years ago, and the first year we spent Christmas with his family (his mum insisted that we go to theirs first). Last year we were supposed to both spend it with my family. I knew they would cause problems, and as expected, at the beginning of December he went to see his family one day without me, and when he came back he said he couldn't spend... He said that his mum is ill and there's a chance she won't be around next Christmas (this year). I was concerned obviously, but he said nothing has changed with her condition, the heart attack was just really scary and it's possible

Aita For Refusing To Host My In Laws For Christmas Reddit

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