Aita For Refusing To Attend My Inlaws Christmas Unless Sil Reddit

Crandi Man

-Oct 17, 2025, 4:29 AM

aita for refusing to attend my inlaws christmas unless sil reddit

I’m 26(F) married happily to 30(M). We bought a 4 bedroom, 3 bath house in 2023 close to Christmas and as a holiday gesture, my husband asked if we could host his entire family which includes -mum, dad, 2 sisters... They would stay 4/5 nights , spend Christmas and leave on Boxing Day. Relevant back story: None of them live in town and all live about 5-8 hours drive away from us in a remote town. In previous years, Christmas was hosted at his parents or grandma’s place with other extended family members(aunties and uncles). 2023 was the first time all the members of his family could be under one roof and celebrate.

I was strongly opposed because I just didn’t want to host 10 people for 3 nights. I’m a huge introvert and don’t even want to be around my own family /friends that much. I also didn’t want to set a precedent and have it become an expectation going forward. I grudgingly accepted as a one time thing and everyone seemed to have a blast. Adults had the rooms, kids slept on a pike in the den. I planned food menus, activities for all 3 days.

Everyone pitched in and helped especially with the Christmas dinner and there were no major incidents. However, I was still extremely relieved when they left. Fast forward to this year and we have been asked about our plans and if we can host this year but we both work Christmas Day. Although he’s told them ‘no’ for now, my husband is already insinuating to me he would like to host them for next year. I’m putting my foot down because I’m not setting a precedent to house and host every alternate year. Holidays and pregnancies are a magical time.

That magic being that for some effed-up reason, they end up bringing out the worst in people. *Sigh* Why can’t we all just, ya know, live, laugh, love … yada, yada, yada?! One lucky woman on Reddit is currently pregnant and preparing to spend Christmas with her in-laws. And so she found herself needing to join the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit to vent about her sister-in-law. This woman who originally posted (the “OP”) has been married to her husband Todd for three years now.

He is a widower with a 9-year-old son, and he is “pretty close” with his sister Monica. “She’s nice to me and all but she seems to be a bit controlling especially when it comes to Todd,” OP said in her post, which got so much engagement that the moderators locked... “But that wasn’t a real issue until after I got pregnant.” And though we’ll get into the details in a second, the gist is that OP wants to know, “AITA for refusing to attend my in-laws’ Christmas unless SIL removes the stocking that has a... After OP found out she was having a boy, Monica (the sister-in-law) insisted that the baby’s name be Tommy. What?!

Not your call, Mon. And if you, like one commenter, are wondering if Tommy was a family name — “like her dad or a child she lost?” — the answer is no. To preface, I (F) have been with my husband Todd for three years. He has a son (9) from his late wife. Todd is pretty close to his sister Monica. Their mom is deceased, and Monica has basically taken over.

She's nice to me and all, but she seems to be a bit controlling, especially when it comes to Todd. But that wasn't a real issue until after I got pregnant. After we found out the gender of the baby (a boy), she insisted on the name "Tommy," but I refused because I already had a name in mind, and Todd loves it. However, he chose to stay out of the fight, saying maybe we should just let Monica call him Tommy. I refused and asked her to please respect me and the fact that I'm the mom, not her, and she said okay. Like always, she's hosting Christmas for the family this year and invited me and Todd to Christmas dinner.

I was intending on coming, that is until I discovered that she hung stockings with her kids, nephews, nieces' names, and hung a "Tommy" stocking, saying that it's for my son. I was livid. I lost it on her, and there was a huge fight. I told her I won't be coming to her Christmas dinner if she doesn't remove the stocking or put the real name, and then I left. Todd started yelling at me when we got home, saying that I was attempting to ruin an important family tradition by refusing to come and said that I was overreacting and cannot be telling... “He is calling me selfish and inconsiderate of his parents’ feelings.”

The holidays are great, but one thing that is never, ever fun are the logistics. Who’s baking what? Who hasn’t RSVPed? Are we getting the adults presents this year or are we just buying for the kids? And, of course, who’s hosting? This last one can get particularly contentious, especially when in-laws are involved, and that’s just the problem Redditor u/confettii123 faced when she took to the popular “Am I The Assh*le” (AITA) board on Reddit...

“Confetti” notes that, off the bat, she and her husband have different expectations of what Christmas morning looks like based on their own childhoods. Confetti is an only child and celebrated with her mom and dad before heading to her grandparents’ house nearby. Her husband is one of three kids and grew up with visiting family all gathered around the tree in the morning. “Before having kids, we’d stay with them for a week or long weekend over Christmas,” she explains, but now that she has two toddlers, she wants to keep the morning “sacred and intimate amongst... In this situation, tensions between a newlywed (25F) and her mother-in-law (MIL) have escalated over a seemingly minor issue: wearing a hat to Christmas dinner. The conflict began when the wife wore a hat to Thanksgiving, which apparently upset the MIL.

Following this, the wife insisted on wearing a hat to Christmas as a statement of acceptance and to assert her identity. This demand led to friction with her husband (25M), who tried to mediate but eventually sided with his wife after his mother insulted her. The wife’s insistence on the hat became a point of contention not only between her and her MIL but also strained her relationship with her husband, who values family harmony and dislikes conflict. Despite her husband’s efforts to reconcile, including defending her against his mother’s insults, tensions escalated to the point where he needed time away to think. The wife, feeling misunderstood by her friends and possibly her husband, maintains her stance on the hat as a symbol of acceptance. Ultimately, while the wife’s desire to assert herself and be accepted is understandable, her uncompromising stance on the hat appears to have exacerbated family tensions.

The husband’s struggle to navigate between his wife and his mother’s conflicting expectations highlights the complex dynamics at play. The outcome, where they may skip Christmas with the in-laws altogether, reflects the deep rifts that have developed despite attempts to find common ground. Thus, while both parties may have valid concerns, the situation underscores the importance of communication and compromise in managing familial relationships, especially during sensitive holiday gatherings.

Aita For Refusing To Attend My Inlaws Christmas Unless Sil Reddit

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