Aita For Refusing To Attend Christmas Dinner At My Husband S Childhood

Crandi Man

-Oct 17, 2025, 4:27 AM

aita for refusing to attend christmas dinner at my husband s childhood

My husband’s mother passed away, and his father remarried five years ago, changing the dynamics of what was once a warm family home into something unwelcoming. I’ve consistently felt like an outsider, evidenced by various acts of unequal treatment. For instance, my father-in-law once scolded me for holding a wine bottle “incorrectly.” Christmas has been particularly revealing; I’ve received no gifts while watching my brothers-in-law be showered with thoughtful presents. Even when I was pregnant last year, I was overlooked. When our son was born, my in-laws visited the hospital with nothing for him or me, starkly contrasting with the generous gifts they brought when my sister-in-law had her baby. This year, for our son’s first Christmas at the family home, we’re allowed to stay for only one night, unlike my husband’s sisters who get to stay for the entire holiday.

They cited a lack of space in their 6-bedroom home, and we’re expected to bring our own bed sheets for that one night. This means a 90-minute return drive with our baby after dinner, which is especially inconvenient as we have an early flight the next day. I’ve decided I don’t want to go, citing both the practical challenges and my concern about our son witnessing this unequal treatment. My husband thinks I’m escalating the situation, but I feel we’re already being treated as lesser family members. For context, I buy the turkey at £130, dry brine it for two days, cook it, take it to my mum's house, and then cook all of the trimmings while I’m there. This involves many hours of work from me, as you can imagine, and I have to wake up at 7 AM to get all of the timings right.

The problem with this is that my partner and I barely get any time together on Christmas Day. We’d like to wake up, have a coffee, spend time together, open presents, maybe have a light breakfast, and then start cooking dinner at midday. We don’t usually eat breakfast or lunch as we intermittent fast, and we’re never hungry for a giant plate of roasted food at 1 o’clock in the afternoon, effectively ruining the Christmas meal for... When children were involved and everyone had to get home early, I compromised, even though I still didn’t really understand the whole eating-at-midday thing. But this year, now that the youngest child in attendance is 12, I tried to meet them in the middle and asked if we could maybe have it at 3. I’ve been told that I’m selfish, that I don’t compromise, and that this is ridiculous.

Thus, I’ve decided that my partner and I will go around to see the family in the afternoon but not eat dinner with them. We’ll have our own meal at home in the evening, saving me money and allowing us to have the Christmas morning we’ve not had since we first lived together in 2018. A woman has shared her dilemma on Reddit over cancelling Christmas dinner with her family because of her “narcissist” mother. The 27-year-old woman, under the username thottbubble, began on Reddit’s 'Am I The A*****e' (AITA) subreddit section, “Usually my husband(30) and I host Christmas eve at our house. It’s nothing big, just my (divorced) parents and my three teenage siblings.” However, she changed plans for this year after her mother “called the cops on my husband a few weeks back.”

Elaborating further, the Redditor wrote, “One of my sisters(19) called me, crying, asking me to go pick up our younger sister (17) because she had just got in a fight with my mom &... Our newborn baby was sleeping and we wanted to get the 17yr old ASAP, so I stayed behind while my husband went to get both my sisters.” The woman revealed that when her husband asked her sister to come with him, her mother began “causing a scene, started yanking on the car door, telling him to let my sister out or... So I (21 F) am currently in university and live on a dorm, using my own money and everything. My mom (40 F) had me when she was 19. My dad joined the military to provide and so he was gone most of the time.

My parents split up when I was young and my mom and I moved across the country. My mom started dating again when I was a teenager and it was like I became invisible. When she married Gregory (50 M) it became even different. I grew really resentful when my mom had a new baby and I'll admit that it wasn't healthy and neither was my attitude. When the time for university came, I got a good enough scholarship and moved out. I am honestly surprised they noticed I was even gone.

I've gotten two texts from my mom a year: happy birthday and happy new years. Only this year did I get a third text and that's just to announce I have a new baby sister. So I got an email the other day that was pretty much an invite to a Christmas dinner that they were hosting and it seems like a lot of extended family are going to... I don't want to be there so I declined the invite. Yesterday I got a phone call from my mom crying about me deciding not to come for the dinner and really wanting to see me. Then Gregory took the phone and all but called me an a$$hole while scolding me.

It's made me feel a little bad because she's still my mom and I feel like I should just go for her sake. In this situation, the couple faces a dilemma over hosting Christmas dinner for the husband’s extended family, who traditionally enjoy a seafood feast during the holidays. The wife, who is vegan along with her husband, has consistently declined hosting duties in the past due to her discomfort with preparing meat dishes. However, this year, the husband agreed to host without consulting her fully, assuming she would be willing to accommodate the seafood tradition. When the wife learned of the plans, she expressed her refusal to cook seafood, which led to backlash from her in-laws who had already made travel arrangements assuming they would be hosted. This resulted in accusations that she was ruining Christmas and threats to exclude the couple from the celebration.

The wife’s stance arises from her ethical beliefs as a vegan, which she feels strongly about and has consistently upheld in her own home. She feels unfairly pressured to compromise her principles, especially considering her discomfort with handling seafood. Her husband, while supporting her in theory, failed to communicate effectively with his family about the hosting plans, leading to a misunderstanding that now threatens family relationships. From an impartial perspective, while the wife’s refusal to host a non-vegan meal aligns with her values, the lack of clear communication between the couple and his family has exacerbated tensions. The husband’s assumption that she would acquiesce to cooking seafood without prior agreement reflects a misunderstanding of her boundaries. However, the in-laws’ reaction to her decision, including threats of disinvitation, appears disproportionate given the circumstances.

In conclusion, while both parties could have handled the situation better through clear communication and mutual understanding, the wife’s decision to uphold her vegan lifestyle at home does not inherently make her the antagonist. The conflict underscores the importance of respecting each other’s values within family dynamics, especially during holiday gatherings where traditions and expectations may clash.

Aita For Refusing To Attend Christmas Dinner At My Husband S Childhood

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Elaborating Further, The Redditor Wrote, “One Of My Sisters(19) Called