Aita For Refusing To Go To My In Laws For Christmas This Year And

Crandi Man

-Oct 17, 2025, 4:29 AM

aita for refusing to go to my in laws for christmas this year and

Me (23F) and my husband (25M) agreed to an arrangement when we got married that we would take it in turns to spend Christmas with our family’s i.e. one year with his family, the next with mine, then his again etc. For context before I explain – his family are nice enough, but they are highly emotional and quite manipulative people (his mum and sister mainly) and can be quite overbearing (we have to go... One time we missed it because I didnt want to go (feeling lazy), he told his mum and she sent me a horrible text saying I’m unappreciative. Also for context, his mum has been sick (she had a small heart attack in September of last year – I am sympathetic but she’s been fine since then). Also for context, I am from a different country and am living with him in his home country, my family are all still in my home country.

We got married two years ago, and the first year we spent Christmas with his family (his mum insisted that we go to theirs first). Last year we were supposed to both spend it with my family. I knew they would cause problems, and as expected, at the beginning of December he went to see his family one day without me, and when he came back he said he couldn’t spend... He said that his mum is ill and there’s a chance she won’t be around next Christmas (this year). I was concerned obviously, but he said nothing has changed with her condition, the heart attack was just really scary and it’s possible. In the end, we both ended up staying with his family again at Christmas.

I was really excited to go to see my family this year (we live in his home country so I rarely get to see my family and they were really excited but I got... Okay so, fast forward to this year. His mum is fine and we’re talking about Christmas (because flights to go back to my home are getting more expensive). He asked me why I’m looking at flights, that it’s his family’s turn to have us at Christmas. I said no, we were there last year, but he’s saying that yes, we were, but it’s the third year, so technically it’s his family’s turn, because we were meant to go to my... I said that no, I only did that because I wanted to spend Christmas with him and because his family were guilting me, and that this year it was my family’s turn.

We argued, and in the end I went ahead and booked a flight to my home for Christmas, and told him if he doesnt want to go then okay but I will be going... Me (23F) and my husband (25M) agreed to an arrangement when we got married that we would take it in turns to spend Christmas with our family's i.e. one year with his family, the next with mine, then his again etc. For context before I explain - his family are nice enough, but they are highly emotional and quite manipulative people (his mum and sister mainly) and can be quite overbearing (we have to go... One time we missed it because I didnt want to go (feeling lazy), he told his mum and she sent me a horrible text saying I'm unappreciative. Also for context, his mum has been sick (she had a small heart attack in September of last year - I am sympathetic but she's been fine since then).

Also for context, I am from a different country and am living with him in his home country, my family are all still in my home country. We got married two years ago, and the first year we spent Christmas with his family (his mum insisted that we go to theirs first). Last year we were supposed to both spend it with my family. I knew they would cause problems, and as expected, at the beginning of December he went to see his family one day without me, and when he came back he said he couldn't spend... He said that his mum is ill and there's a chance she won't be around next Christmas (this year). I was concerned obviously, but he said nothing has changed with her condition, the heart attack was just really scary and it's possible

So, here’s the situation: I (30M) am married to my wife (29F), and we have a 3-year-old daughter. This year, we were all set to spend Christmas Day with my wife’s family, as we’ve done in previous years. My wife’s parents (let’s call them Linda and Greg) host a big Christmas celebration every year, and it’s always been a bit chaotic, It’s mostly a bunch of extended family, loud conversations, and lots... Now, I love my wife’s family, but they aren’t the easiest to deal with. Linda, in particular, has a tendency to try and control things, and she’s always had a problem with my family—mainly because they aren’t as “formal” or as traditional as hers. In the past, there’s been tension about which side of the family we spend holidays with, but we’ve always managed to compromise.

Here’s where the problem started: A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to my mom about our Christmas plans. She was really excited to have us over for Christmas Eve dinner and wanted us to stay the night. I told my wife about it, and she seemed okay with it at first. But then, out of nowhere, Linda calls my wife and tells her that “she’s really disappointed” that we were planning to spend Christmas Eve with my family. She implied that it would cause a lot of tension, especially with other relatives, and that we “shouldn’t split the holiday.” My wife was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place and ended up telling me that we had to choose between spending Christmas Eve with my family or going to Linda...

She said that her parents were “hurt” that we’d even consider spending time with my side of the family, and she didn’t want to cause any drama. If there’s one thing many people dread about the holidays, it’s spending it with their in-laws. Even if they get along most of the time, oftentimes they might have very different ideas of how to spend their given holiday, arguing about what food should be served, what time everyone should... Then there are those who find themselves angry that they are not spending the holidays with their in-laws, as they discover they weren’t invited to join in the family celebrations. Redditor TravelnPookie and her husband were looking forward to hosting their first Christmas as a married couple, with the original poster (OP)’s in-laws coming to stay with them. While the OP had an idea about Christmas dinner, her in-laws had other plans.

In this situation, the couple faces a dilemma over hosting Christmas dinner for the husband’s extended family, who traditionally enjoy a seafood feast during the holidays. The wife, who is vegan along with her husband, has consistently declined hosting duties in the past due to her discomfort with preparing meat dishes. However, this year, the husband agreed to host without consulting her fully, assuming she would be willing to accommodate the seafood tradition. When the wife learned of the plans, she expressed her refusal to cook seafood, which led to backlash from her in-laws who had already made travel arrangements assuming they would be hosted. This resulted in accusations that she was ruining Christmas and threats to exclude the couple from the celebration. The wife’s stance arises from her ethical beliefs as a vegan, which she feels strongly about and has consistently upheld in her own home.

She feels unfairly pressured to compromise her principles, especially considering her discomfort with handling seafood. Her husband, while supporting her in theory, failed to communicate effectively with his family about the hosting plans, leading to a misunderstanding that now threatens family relationships. From an impartial perspective, while the wife’s refusal to host a non-vegan meal aligns with her values, the lack of clear communication between the couple and his family has exacerbated tensions. The husband’s assumption that she would acquiesce to cooking seafood without prior agreement reflects a misunderstanding of her boundaries. However, the in-laws’ reaction to her decision, including threats of disinvitation, appears disproportionate given the circumstances. In conclusion, while both parties could have handled the situation better through clear communication and mutual understanding, the wife’s decision to uphold her vegan lifestyle at home does not inherently make her the antagonist.

The conflict underscores the importance of respecting each other’s values within family dynamics, especially during holiday gatherings where traditions and expectations may clash. A 26-year-old woman hosted her husband’s family (10 people in total) for Christmas last year after buying a new home. Despite everyone enjoying the visit, she found the experience exhausting and doesn’t want to make hosting a recurring tradition. Her husband feels hosting family is central to Christmas and is already discussing plans to host again next year. While she suggested alternatives like having guests stay at a hotel or hosting less frequently, her husband insists they have the space and should embrace the tradition. She wonders if she’s wrong for refusing.

read the original story below… I’m 26(F) married happily to 30(M). We bought a 4bd, 3 bath house in 2023 close to Christmas and as a holiday gesture, my husband asked if we could host his entire family which includes -mum, dad, 2 sisters and... They would stay 4/5 nights , spend Christmas and leave on Boxing Day. Relevant back story: None of them live in town and all live about 5-8 hours drive away from us in a remote town. In previous years, Christmas was hosted at his parents or grandma’s place with other extended family members(aunties and uncles).

2023 was the first time all the members of his family could be under one roof and celebrate.. I was strongly opposed because

Aita For Refusing To Go To My In Laws For Christmas This Year And

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