Aita For Refusing To Attend My Inlaws Christmas Dinner

Crandi Man

-Oct 18, 2025, 3:04 AM

aita for refusing to attend my inlaws christmas dinner

I’m 26(F) married happily to 30(M). We bought a 4 bedroom, 3 bath house in 2023 close to Christmas and as a holiday gesture, my husband asked if we could host his entire family which includes -mum, dad, 2 sisters... They would stay 4/5 nights , spend Christmas and leave on Boxing Day. Relevant back story: None of them live in town and all live about 5-8 hours drive away from us in a remote town. In previous years, Christmas was hosted at his parents or grandma’s place with other extended family members(aunties and uncles). 2023 was the first time all the members of his family could be under one roof and celebrate.

I was strongly opposed because I just didn’t want to host 10 people for 3 nights. I’m a huge introvert and don’t even want to be around my own family /friends that much. I also didn’t want to set a precedent and have it become an expectation going forward. I grudgingly accepted as a one time thing and everyone seemed to have a blast. Adults had the rooms, kids slept on a pike in the den. I planned food menus, activities for all 3 days.

Everyone pitched in and helped especially with the Christmas dinner and there were no major incidents. However, I was still extremely relieved when they left. Fast forward to this year and we have been asked about our plans and if we can host this year but we both work Christmas Day. Although he’s told them ‘no’ for now, my husband is already insinuating to me he would like to host them for next year. I’m putting my foot down because I’m not setting a precedent to house and host every alternate year. My husband’s mother passed away, and his father remarried five years ago, changing the dynamics of what was once a warm family home into something unwelcoming.

I’ve consistently felt like an outsider, evidenced by various acts of unequal treatment. For instance, my father-in-law once scolded me for holding a wine bottle “incorrectly.” Christmas has been particularly revealing; I’ve received no gifts while watching my brothers-in-law be showered with thoughtful presents. Even when I was pregnant last year, I was overlooked. When our son was born, my in-laws visited the hospital with nothing for him or me, starkly contrasting with the generous gifts they brought when my sister-in-law had her baby. This year, for our son’s first Christmas at the family home, we’re allowed to stay for only one night, unlike my husband’s sisters who get to stay for the entire holiday. They cited a lack of space in their 6-bedroom home, and we’re expected to bring our own bed sheets for that one night.

This means a 90-minute return drive with our baby after dinner, which is especially inconvenient as we have an early flight the next day. I’ve decided I don’t want to go, citing both the practical challenges and my concern about our son witnessing this unequal treatment. My husband thinks I’m escalating the situation, but I feel we’re already being treated as lesser family members. In this situation, the couple faces a dilemma over hosting Christmas dinner for the husband’s extended family, who traditionally enjoy a seafood feast during the holidays. The wife, who is vegan along with her husband, has consistently declined hosting duties in the past due to her discomfort with preparing meat dishes. However, this year, the husband agreed to host without consulting her fully, assuming she would be willing to accommodate the seafood tradition.

When the wife learned of the plans, she expressed her refusal to cook seafood, which led to backlash from her in-laws who had already made travel arrangements assuming they would be hosted. This resulted in accusations that she was ruining Christmas and threats to exclude the couple from the celebration. The wife’s stance arises from her ethical beliefs as a vegan, which she feels strongly about and has consistently upheld in her own home. She feels unfairly pressured to compromise her principles, especially considering her discomfort with handling seafood. Her husband, while supporting her in theory, failed to communicate effectively with his family about the hosting plans, leading to a misunderstanding that now threatens family relationships. From an impartial perspective, while the wife’s refusal to host a non-vegan meal aligns with her values, the lack of clear communication between the couple and his family has exacerbated tensions.

The husband’s assumption that she would acquiesce to cooking seafood without prior agreement reflects a misunderstanding of her boundaries. However, the in-laws’ reaction to her decision, including threats of disinvitation, appears disproportionate given the circumstances. In conclusion, while both parties could have handled the situation better through clear communication and mutual understanding, the wife’s decision to uphold her vegan lifestyle at home does not inherently make her the antagonist. The conflict underscores the importance of respecting each other’s values within family dynamics, especially during holiday gatherings where traditions and expectations may clash. I'm a newlywed, and my in-laws are visiting for Christmas, staying at our new house. Initially, they expressed interest in dining out for Christmas dinner, but I suggested preparing a home-cooked feast.

Surprisingly, they declined the offer. Here's where it gets interesting. I'm currently working as a server in town after recently being laid off from my corporate job. Luckily, the restaurant is closed on Christmas Eve and Christmas. However, my mother-in-law had different plans. She called my workplace without consulting me and requested that I be their server for their entire Christmas dinner.

I discovered this arrangement through my husband, learning that my Christmas "gift" would be a generous tip and takeout from my restaurant. This seems peculiar, especially since our restaurant isn't even open on Christmas Eve or Christmas, and I would be available to spend time with them on those days. They've scheduled this dinner the day before we close, making it their designated family celebration. A Redditor shared a story about a tense situation during her first Christmas dinner with her fiancé’s family. She has specific dietary needs due to psychological factors and asked her future mother-in-law (FMIL) to make a simple accommodation for her. FMIL refused and told her to bring her own dish, but the Redditor felt this was disrespectful for a guest.

After arriving at the dinner and finding no accommodations made, she decided to leave, which led to her fiancé lashing out at her for being selfish. Now, her fiancé and FMIL are upset, and she’s questioning if she was in the wrong. Invite people to read the original story below. I got invited to my fiance’s family christmas celebratory dinner. It’s my first christmas with them. I have always been picky about what I eat.

Can’t help it and it has to do with psychological factors, childhood, and personal likes and dislikes. Before accepting their invite I let FMIL know that I wouldn’t be eating the traditional food at their celebration, and showed her a variety of dishes to choose from to accommodate me. She refused and told me to bring my own dish. I said if I had to bring my own dish when I’m a guest then I better stay at home then. We went back and forth and I insisted I wouldn’t come if accommodations weren’t being made. I just thought it was a simple request and FMIL could’ve agreed if she really wanted me there.

My fiance agreed that I shhould bring my own dish but I didn’t. If there’s one thing many people dread about the holidays, it’s spending it with their in-laws. Even if they get along most of the time, oftentimes they might have very different ideas of how to spend their given holiday, arguing about what food should be served, what time everyone should... Then there are those who find themselves angry that they are not spending the holidays with their in-laws, as they discover they weren’t invited to join in the family celebrations. Redditor TravelnPookie and her husband were looking forward to hosting their first Christmas as a married couple, with the original poster (OP)’s in-laws coming to stay with them. While the OP had an idea about Christmas dinner, her in-laws had other plans.

My husband's family has a tradition of always eating out at a pizza restaurant for Christmas Eve dinner. Once we got married it was expected I would join the family for this. It's a very lavish, rich meal. Problem is, I cannot eat dairy and this particular restaurant only has pizza (no dairy free food at all). So last year I chose not to attend the dinner and just meet up with everyone after (my husband attended the dinner). My mother in law was upset with me because they usually exchange presents at the restaurant and said it was rude of me not to attend.

But I didn’t want to watch everyone else eat and chose not to go. During this past year, my husband was diagnosed with lactose intolerance and doesn’t eat much dairy now either. So we suggested that this year we would make homemade pizzas, that way it was still the pizza tradition but we could make dairy free options for ourselves. My mother in law said no and said that I specifically was ruining their families tradition. She said we should all go to the restaurant still and the two of us should just eat beforehand. I still have no interest in watching everyone else eat.

Aita For Refusing To Attend My Inlaws Christmas Dinner

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