CRANDI

Aita For Refusing To Cater To A Relative In Law S Expense Free Vacatio

Crandi Man
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aita for refusing to cater to a relative in law s expense free vacatio

I am now “the ahole” in my wife's family, but am I…? I feel justified, am I? My opinion: I don’t think anyone should ever invite themselves to stay at someone else’s home. You only stay if you are invited, and then if you stay, you bring gifts and pay for meals etc. The story: Over the course of our 30 year marriage we have hosted many family members at our house. Recently my wife’s cousin contacted her and said she would like to come out at visit the family.

My wife’s mother and sisters live nearby. (The three of them always bully my wife into getting their ways). My wife and her sisters work, whereas I just retired - so I’m elected to pick the cousin up at the airport. I’ve never met or seen pictures of this person, so I’m told to hold a sign like a chauffeur. On the way home the cousin said she was starving as asked if we could get something to eat. We stopped at a nearby restaurant and ordered food.

I ended up paying the bill and thought it was strange she didn’t offer to help, but ok, maybe she’ll contribute later. Every following breakfast, lunch, and dinner was paid for by me. Even at the family picnic where everyone was chipping in money, she didn’t contribute a thing. Her entire 4 night stay was free! I never even heard a Thank You. And I drove her to and from the airport and everywhere she wanted to go while she was here.

I (28F) have been married for 8 years and we have two children together. I'm a pretty decent cook and baker and I have done family event catering before. Even for my in-laws. I never mind doing it because people usually appreciate it and throw me some cash for my effort. Last time I did it for my in-laws though, I swore it would be the last time and I have since stepped way back with them and so has my husband. What happened: A week before a joint party for mine and my husbands 5 year old nephew and 7 year old niece my in-laws asked if I could make the food.

I was a little frustrated at the short notice but agreed. They told me there would be 50 people at the party and they'd have some chips there but wanted a meal and treats + birthday cake. So I spent 2 days getting everything ready with help from my husband when he wasn't at work. We got all the food there and my mother-in-law took it off us and set up the table. Nobody said thanks, nobody showed any kind of appreciation for the food. I tried not to let it bother me but the only comment I got for doing all that was that hopefully there was enough food there.

Then I went to get some of the food and I was told I couldn't eat it, that I had to eat the adult food even though there WAS enough for me to eat... Almost everyone got a little more! There was plenty of food left at this point. A little while later I hear my sister-in-law (mother of niece) complain that there wasn't enough food and not a lot of effort put in. I was pissed and we left. My husbands family got really pissy that I didn't stick around to help clean up after the party!!

They also complained they had to deal with leftovers. After all that I swore I would not agree to cook again. My husband agreed. He told his family some appreciation would have gone a long way especially when they didn't give me any money at all for it. Now my husbands youngest sister is having a baby shower and they want me to provide food again. I told them no.

They're saying ITA because Covid means it's not easy to get outside catering and as part of the family I owe it to them. I laughed because they treated me very much like I'm NOT part of the family at the last party I catered for them. I was treated more like their servant. ETA: I am surprised so many supported me with this! I guess it shows what my husbands family did to me with that crap that I was expecting people to say I owe it to family. It's still sinking in if I'm honest.

Wow. I can't thank everyone enough. Anyway, I'm not even considering saying yes. All the money in the world could not make me cook for them again. Not after everything they pulled the last time and I'm pretty sure we won't be attending anyway so there's that. Background: My husband (35M) and I (33F) have been married for five years.

We own a beautiful vacation home on the beach that we built ourselves and use throughout the year. My in-laws (60s) have always been welcome guests, visiting for a few weeks here and there, and contributing financially towards maintenance costs. Last month, my in-laws suddenly announced they were selling their house to "downsize" and move into a tiny condo. Apparently, they've been secretly harbouring this idea for months, never mentioning it to me or my husband. They plan to close on the sale in two weeks and then...move into our vacation home for six months while they "figure things out." I was floored.

This house is our sanctuary, not a retirement home extension. We use it frequently, have friends and family booked to visit throughout the year, and rely on the income it generates during peak season. My in-laws, on the other hand, haven't lifted a finger on the property themselves and contributed only minimally. My husband, bless his sweet heart, is more understanding. He feels bad for his parents and believes we can "make it work." The in-laws, sensing my resistance, are now guilt-tripping us, claiming they have nowhere else to go and offering to pay "significantly... AITA for refusing to let them move in?

On one hand, I feel obligated to help family in need, but on the other, this feels like an outrageous imposition on our personal space and finances. NTA - it is outrageous. You'd be well within your right to say no. But I'm curious, how is your relationship with them otherwise? How is your husband's relationship with them? What other options do they have?

Again, you have every right to say no and it would not make you the AH, BUT is it worth the damage it could do? In other words, are you okay with whatever fall-out occurs? During their visits, a man is regularly overlooked by his wife,s family and stays in his own home as in a woman of low esteem. After three years of marriage, he relocated cross-country for her job, and he frequently holds court for her family on Middle East visits that last weeks. But, every time she visits, there are family outings — brunch or dinner — he is never a part of. While he has repeatedly indicated that he is uncomfortable with this, his concerns have either been dismissed or ignored.

His most recent trip ended in a furious altercation when he was not told about a family get together for his father-in-law’s birthday. His exclusion created resentment, and when his wife insulted him in her family amongst others, he returned the favor. His wife then came out to say he made her mother cry and that the family was going to leave early for a lake resort. Now, he wonders if his reaction was warranted, or if it was an overreaction. Not being allowed to go to family reunion in one hand is a endeavor on respect. Inclusivity Peaches: Family Dynamics- Being welcome at the table, Psychology Today The husband is always excluded when his home is the venue of such important occasion, even if he does contribute to hosting an...

Therefore, it is understandable that he is frustrated and that made clear his concerns many times — and never addressed. The hushed tone, especially his wife saying, “You could have asked” shows there is no consideration of his point of view. So, I (32F) have kinda reached my breaking point with my in-laws and now apparently I'm the bad guy for it. My wife (34F) and I have been helping her parents out financially for years. We’ve covered medical bills, helped with their mortgage, and whenever there was some "emergency" they couldn't handle, we stepped in. We never really thought twice about it because, well, they’re family, and my wife felt like it was our responsibility.

But then I started noticing a pattern. Every time we gave them money, suddenly they had cash to go out to fancy restaurants, buy expensive designer clothes, or splurge on stuff they absolutely did not need. At first, I tried to brush it off maybe they just needed a little joy in their lives or whatever. But it kept happening. And the thing is, it was always right after we helped them. The final straw was last month.

My MIL called my wife crying about overdue medical bills and how they were struggling. We sent them a good chunk of money because, obviously, that’s important. A few days later, I see MIL posting on Facebook about how they’re having a "much needed getaway" at some luxury resort.

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