CRANDI

Update 2 On Thanksgiving My Parents Stopped Me At The Facebook

Crandi Man
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update 2 on thanksgiving my parents stopped me at the facebook

Quick recap: some kind of physical altercation (mom choked dad, dad slapped mom, but no one knows 100% for sure) happened between my mom (72) and my dad (82) such that my dad felt... When I called to get more information from my mom, she lashed out of at me, infuriated that my dad told me what happened and she wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. When she told me "Little girl, don't you step into something you don't know how to get out of," I hung up on her and haven't spoken to her since Thanksgiving. I still speak to my dad about every week to 10 days. My sister and I don't really have a relationship. Both my sister and I called Elder Services/local police, which went nowhere.

The last thing I said to my mom that day (via text) was simply: "I will no longer engage with you if you won't get the help you need." Update: It's been four months. I still stay in touch with my dad, about as regularly as I used to keep in touch with my parents, about every week to 10 days. (For comparison, my husband speaks to his parents 2-3 times a week.) He sounds very, very old now. His age has become more prominent in our talks: he has trouble hearing me on the phone, asks me to repeat myself a lot, or just doesn't straight up understand some of the things... He seems otherwise healthy.

He gives me vague updates about my mom (at my asking). My mom's health troubles continue, as told to me by my dad. Still having major diabetic neuropathy, pretty much in pain 24/7, and AFAIK hasn't sought out therapy. They continue to remain housebound. When I found out they had to replace their washer b/c it flooded their first floor—and that it took them 3 days to bail/dry out all the water—I asked my dad why he didn't... Seeking advice: I feel like I need to call my mom and talk to her.

Part of the impetus to call her is guilt. I unblocked her phone (but not social media) last month when my family took an international vacation. Given my parents' age, I wanted her to be able to reach us in case of emergency. She didn't know she was unblocked; I just made the switch. She has texted me once since then: a .VCF contact card for my dead uncle, with no context. She's called three times.

Once was clearly a butt-dial based on the VM garble. The second time was after our vacation, wanted to know how it was and "Please give me a call, rainrain, I need to talk to with you hon. I love you so much baby, bye." "I don't know why you won't take my call anymore but I do need to know something and I would like to ask it in earnest and with love: Are you EVER going to... And if you're not please be kind enough to tell me that or text me that so that I can get on with my life. I love you more than you'll ever know and I've tried to do what I can to show you that I'm better and I'm doing better and you still won't acknowledge my existence and...

Talk to you I hope."

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