CRANDI

Their In Laws Turn The Holiday Season Into A Reason To Ask For Handout

Crandi Man
-
their in laws turn the holiday season into a reason to ask for handout

<img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="alignnone wp-image-415113" src="https://twistedsifter.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/canceling-christmas-with-in-laws-AITA.jpeg" alt="Source: Reddit/AITA/Pexels/ Tim Mossholder" width="800" height="420" srcset="https://twistedsifter.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/canceling-christmas-with-in-laws-AITA.jpeg 1200w, https://twistedsifter.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/canceling-christmas-with-in-laws-AITA.jpeg?resize=150,79 150w, https://twistedsifter.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/canceling-christmas-with-in-laws-AITA.jpeg?resize=300,158 300w, https://twistedsifter.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/canceling-christmas-with-in-laws-AITA.jpeg?resize=768,403 768w, https://twistedsifter.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/canceling-christmas-with-in-laws-AITA.jpeg?resize=1024,538 1024w, https://twistedsifter.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/canceling-christmas-with-in-laws-AITA.jpeg?resize=586,308 586w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" title="Their In Laws Turn The Holiday... After years of freeloading—from not paying for shared expenses at football games to grabbing drive-thru meals before Thanksgiving dinner—one person has finally had enough of their in-laws. Tired of their entitled behavior, she’s considering canceling Christmas this year for her own sanity. My husband is amazing and everything about him makes me incredibly happy. They have always treated him poorly and less than and that really has always upset me. Spending time with your in-laws may leave you feeling like you’re walking on eggshells.

Perhaps you got into a huge disagreement about politics earlier this year and things have been tense ever since. Or maybe you get the impression that your in-laws just don’t like you, and haven’t really accepted you into the family. Dr. John Gottman says “every marriage is a cross-cultural experience regardless of whether people are from different or the same cultures. They come from different families and the family they create is a brand new culture that has never existed before.” The holidays can bring mixed feelings and expectations about this new family culture, especially... The following suggestions will empower you to handle uncomfortable situations with confidence.

Surviving the holiday hustle requires open communication between you and your partner. Use a softened startup when sharing the things you are anxious about to have more constructive conversations that will bring you closer. The holiday season, often dubbed as the “most wonderful time of the year,” can sometimes feel like anything but that, especially when it involves spending time with in-laws you don’t particularly get along with. You might find yourself dreading the upcoming family gatherings, knowing that you will have to face individuals who push your buttons in all the wrong ways. The good news is that you are not alone, and there are effective strategies to help you manage these challenging dynamics. In this article, we’ll explore how you can survive — and maybe even thrive — during the holidays with in-laws you hate.

I often hear from individuals who feel overwhelmed by the prospect of spending holidays with their in-laws. Recently, a woman named Florence reached out to me via email, sharing her struggles in great detail. She wrote, “Every year, my anxiety levels skyrocket as the holidays approach. My husband’s family is critical and overbearing, and despite my best efforts, I can’t seem to find a way to get along with them. Last Thanksgiving, my mother-in-law criticized the way I prepared the turkey, comparing it unfavorably to her own recipe. I tried to brush it off, but it hurt.

Later, at dinner, my sister-in-law made a snide remark about how I raise my kids, suggesting that I’m too lenient. The children overheard and asked me later why their aunt was so upset with them. My father-in-law then chimed in with his disapproval of our decision to move to a new city for work, claiming it was a terrible mistake and that we were uprooting our kids unnecessarily. Throughout the evening, I felt attacked from all sides, and by the end of the night, I was in tears. My husband did his best to support me, but he was caught in the middle, trying to keep the peace and placate everyone. The tension was palpable, and it cast a shadow over what should have been a joyful family gathering.

This year, I’m already dreading the thought of going through the same ordeal. I’m losing sleep over the upcoming holiday dinner, anticipating the same criticisms and conflicts. My stomach ties in knots just thinking about it. What can I do to make this situation more bearable? How do I protect my mental health while trying to keep the family harmony?” Florence’s situation is not uncommon.

Many people face similar predicaments, where the joy of the holidays is overshadowed by the stress of dealing with difficult in-laws. If you find yourself in a similar situation, know that you are not alone, and there are practical steps you can take to make the experience more manageable and less emotionally draining. Posted December 19, 2022 | Reviewed by Davia Sills The holiday season is in full swing, and many will be spending time with family this week, including in-laws. Although in-laws can be a great source of joy and support, spending extended time with them, sometimes in close quarters, is not without its challenges—simple comments and questions may be interpreted as criticism, uncertainty... As a result, many in-laws go into the holiday filled with dread or thinking that they just need to “grin and bear it.” However, the solution doesn’t have to be so cut and dried.

In fact, heading into holiday gatherings with a few tools in your (and your partner’s) pocket can help you navigate them with ease. Whether it’s based on past experiences (with your family of origin or current in-laws) or media representations, we often have negative expectations for our in-law’s behavior. In other words, we expect the worse. As a result, we often misinterpret our in-law’s intentions and make negative attributions. For instance, if your mother-in-law says, “Wow, that’s a lot of presents for little Susie! Lucky girl!” You may interpret that as a sarcastic comment criticizing your parenting.

However, your mother-in-law could very well just be making an observation and noting that her grandchild is, indeed, very lucky. During the holiday season, it might be helpful to put on rose-colored glasses and view your in-law’s behavior in a more positive light. Instead of knee-jerk reactions or judgments, take a moment and reflect on how you would want your in-law to interpret the same behavior or comment if you did or said it. We tend to make more generous and positive attributions about our own behavior so extend that goodwill to your in-law. Instead of thinking that your son-in-law is mad at you because he was short with you in the kitchen, put yourself in his shoes and think, “I bet he was a little testy because... Yes, open communication and authenticity are integral to successful relationships, but sometimes it’s OK to engage in avoidance.

In fact, in-laws frequently avoid topics to protect their relationship and their privacy or to avoid conflict. Repeatedly relying on avoidance and not dealing with underlying relationship issues isn’t good in the long run but can help during holiday gatherings. Avoidance can be implicit and indirect, such as changing the subject or making a joke, to explicit and direct, “I’d prefer not to talk about that.” It’s often best to start gently and use... Most folks will get the hint and drop the subject. However, if they don’t, you may have to be blunt and let your in-law know this topic is a no-go. If you're about to spend the holidays with your in-laws, it's understandable if your mind immediately flashes to Meet the Parents or Happiest Season.

Spending time with your in-laws, especially during the holidays, is trickier to navigate than a game of Operation. So, before you resign yourself to silence or dread, consider a few of these coping strategies. You can and will get through this. Maintaining composure, grace, and good relations during the holidays is already challenging. Then you introduce your family and your in-laws into the mix, and suddenly, it feels like you're a juggler on a unicycle in rush hour traffic. You can get through this gracefully with some clear communication and self-care.

More than just boundaries, setting expectations for the holidays can help prevent disappointment and guilt. If Christmas Eve in the afternoon is the only time that works for everyone, but they want Christmas Day, too, try to come up with a reasonable solution, even if that solution is alternating... Everything is temporary. This, too, shall pass. Let these be your mantras for the holidays. Even if that means adding a countdown app to your phone (maybe don't leave it on your lock screen for everyone to see), you'll know that for every minute that passes, you're a minute...

Sometimes, you just need to stop and breathe. Or ground yourself. Or meditate. Or stare at the ceiling with nobody talking to you. Find small pockets of time each day where you can be alone (bathrooms work in a pinch), close your eyes, and just take a few deep breaths. Go for a walk or a run.

Step outside and watch the clouds. Meditate in the morning before anyone else wakes up. Having a practice, no matter how small, has big rewards in saving your sanity. Ah, the holidays. A time of year with beautiful ambiance and the looming presence of extra time with family. For many, this time of year is like a high-stakes game of emotional Jenga, where you delicately and intentionally make moves to balance delicate family dynamics (hopefully without any topples).

If you’ve caught yourself starting to feel anxious as soon as fall weather hits because you know what’s coming, or hiding in the bathroom trying to remember the results for your 2am Google search... If you’re wanting to get through holidays with family without losing it, keep on reading. Let’s dive into some creative yet practical tips to help you navigate this stress with your sanity and relationships intact. Before even getting to the family gatherings themselves, touch base with your partner(s) to come up with some plans and get on the same page about hopes and expectations. The holidays can turn into a frenzy real quick. So, before we get there, have a fun “state of the union” meeting.

Be festive if you want and share a nice mug of spiced cider or hot cocoa, make a nice baked treat, or build one of those gingerbread houses that are way too dry to... As backpacks get packed and alarm clocks are set, many families are getting ready for the school year ahead. I know all too well this Is it anxiety—or just teen stress? One day, your teen is laughing at dinner. The next, they won’t leave their room.

You ask how school How Long Does It Take to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship? Betrayal in relationship is a complex, painful and often invisible struggle many people go

People Also Search

<img Fetchpriority="high" Decoding="async" Class="alignnone Wp-image-415113" Src="https://twistedsifter.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/canceling-christmas-with-in-laws-AITA.jpeg" Alt="Source: Reddit/AITA/Pexels/ Tim Mossholder"

<img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="alignnone wp-image-415113" src="https://twistedsifter.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/canceling-christmas-with-in-laws-AITA.jpeg" alt="Source: Reddit/AITA/Pexels/ Tim Mossholder" width="800" height="420" srcset="https://twistedsifter.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/canceling-christmas-with-in-laws-AITA.jpeg 1200w, https://twistedsifter.com/wp-content...

Perhaps You Got Into A Huge Disagreement About Politics Earlier

Perhaps you got into a huge disagreement about politics earlier this year and things have been tense ever since. Or maybe you get the impression that your in-laws just don’t like you, and haven’t really accepted you into the family. Dr. John Gottman says “every marriage is a cross-cultural experience regardless of whether people are from different or the same cultures. They come from different fam...

Surviving The Holiday Hustle Requires Open Communication Between You And

Surviving the holiday hustle requires open communication between you and your partner. Use a softened startup when sharing the things you are anxious about to have more constructive conversations that will bring you closer. The holiday season, often dubbed as the “most wonderful time of the year,” can sometimes feel like anything but that, especially when it involves spending time with in-laws you...

I Often Hear From Individuals Who Feel Overwhelmed By The

I often hear from individuals who feel overwhelmed by the prospect of spending holidays with their in-laws. Recently, a woman named Florence reached out to me via email, sharing her struggles in great detail. She wrote, “Every year, my anxiety levels skyrocket as the holidays approach. My husband’s family is critical and overbearing, and despite my best efforts, I can’t seem to find a way to get a...

Later, At Dinner, My Sister-in-law Made A Snide Remark About

Later, at dinner, my sister-in-law made a snide remark about how I raise my kids, suggesting that I’m too lenient. The children overheard and asked me later why their aunt was so upset with them. My father-in-law then chimed in with his disapproval of our decision to move to a new city for work, claiming it was a terrible mistake and that we were uprooting our kids unnecessarily. Throughout the ev...